Desperately Seeking Subscribers: The Gospel of Stephen Bartlett
If you’ve spent more than five minutes on YouTube, you’ve seen it:
The script.
The same worn-out, pre-chewed plea every creator seems to use.
“Before we get started, don’t forget to like and subscribe!”
Honestly? I’d rather gargle thumbtacks.
Don’t insult my intelligence by begging me to click a button — especially if I’ve just landed on your channel and don’t even know if you're awful yet.
Enter Stephen Bartlett, the Sultan of Smug, the CEO of Condescension, and perhaps the most overqualified subscriber-beggar on the entire internet.
You might know him as the host of Diary of a CEO, Europe’s leading podcast for vague conversations about healing your inner child while drinking imported oat milk in a concrete bunker.
But podcasting is just the latest coat of polish. Let’s rewind.
📈 The Bartlett Resume
Stephen’s website proudly informs us that he’s a:
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Entrepreneur
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Speaker
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Investor
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Author
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Dragon (yes, as in Dragon’s Den)
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Host of Europe’s #1 podcast
All self-declared, of course.
He dropped out of Manchester Metropolitan University and founded something called Wallpark — essentially a student classifieds site. His big break came when he co-founded Social Chain, a social media agency that merged with a public company to become Social Chain AG.
He’s since:
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Invested in wellness companies like Huel and Zoe
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Dabbled in biotech, blockchain, and space tech
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Launched Flightstory, a media and investment company with a name that sounds like an app that tells you your plane is delayed in 4K
So yes—he’s successful. Loaded, even. He’s made his money, built his empire, and cashed in his credibility.
And yet…
He still does this:
“This has always blown my mind a little bit — 53% of you that listen to the show regularly haven’t yet subscribed. So could I ask you for a favor before we start…?”
Oh, Stephen.
You’re podcasting from a studio that looks like it was designed by a Scandinavian cult leader, your bookshelf alone is worth more than my car, and you want me to support your channel?
Are we crowdfunding your next LED wall?
Paying for a new assistant to handcraft your oat milk foam?
🤳 Why Are We Still Playing This Game?
Stephen Bartlett is a multi-millionaire.
He’s got brand deals, business ventures, books, and a platform the algorithm worships like a golden calf.
So why is someone who clearly doesn’t need more still begging for subscribers like he’s one click away from homelessness?
The truth?
It’s not about the support. It’s about the data. The reach. The ads.
More subscribers = more traffic = more money across every business touchpoint he owns.
And that’s fine. It’s business.
But let’s not pretend it’s anything else.
🧠 “We’ll Listen to Your Feedback…”
He says this, every episode.
“We’ll listen to your feedback… we’ll find the guests you want… we’ll serve this community…”
Right.
I wrote to his team. Twice.
I had a business idea. It was something different, something I believed in. I wasn’t asking for mentorship — just insight, a comment, a crumb of guidance.
Not only did I not hear from Stephen.
I didn’t even get a generic, automated response. Not even a “Thanks for reaching out.”
So no, Stephen. You’re not listening to your audience. You’re curating your guests for click potential, not connection.
💸 What Are We Supporting, Exactly?
When Stephen stares into that fancy red-lens camera and says he’s committed to giving back to the audience—he’s not handing out scholarships or feeding the homeless.
He’s interviewing millionaires and influencers with matching beige sweaters.
What are we really supporting when we subscribe to Diary of a CEO?
The algorithm? Another luxury watch?
🧼 Clean Up the Script, Stephen
Stephen Bartlett uses the same language as small creators trying to hit 1,000 subs.
The same tone.
The same “help support the channel” pitch.
Except he’s not struggling.
He’s not bootstrapping.
He’s not podcasting from a garage eating ramen.
He is the algorithm's golden boy, and he knows it.
So please, Stephen—stop pretending that subscribing to your multimillion-dollar podcast is some kind of humanitarian act.
We see you.
And we’re not falling for it.
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